If you want to
know how to
overcome your relationship
crisis with 4 stages
of self esteem read this article .
Millions of people
in the U.S. seek
help from counselors
and
therapists each year.
However, did you
know that only 50%
of the
people who
enter therapy avoid
divorce, and less than
20% report any
improvement at all .
Why is this strategy unsuccessful?
Counseling is
usually based on improving communication and problem solving skills,
and in most cases this does absolutely nothing to address the root
cause (low Self-Esteem) of a relationship crisis. At this point, you
may be asking what a low level of self-esteem has to do with your
failing relationship. Well, the answer is everything! You see, the
root causes of a relationship crisis are the fears and insecurities
caused by family dysfunction. These patterns of control, abuse, and
part-time parenting rob a person of their personal power and undermine
self-esteem.
For your benefit, I have outlined the four stages of self-esteem
below. Notice that liberation is the first. This is not by chance
since the remaining stages are difficult, if not impossible, to reach
if you do not obtain the first.
1-Liberation
To set somebody free from socially imposed constraints.
If you are in fact in the mists of a relationship crisis, begin by
examining the path that brought you to your present state. What types
of family dysfunctions played a role in undermining your self-esteem?
Were your parents verbally, physically, or sexually abusive? Were they
controlling and manipulative? Did they fail to provide the love,
guidance, and bonding by showing up part-time for a full-time job? Or,
did they abuse alcohol or drugs? These are the questions that must be
answered. Once you have uncovered these negative patterns, you must
liberate yourself from them by putting a stop to the dysfunctional
behavior.
This must be done by either setting some boundaries, or in
extreme cases severing the relationship.
2-Self reflection
A complete and individual personality, especially one that somebody
recognizes as his or her own and with which there is a sense of ease.
Once you have liberated yourself from patterns of dysfunction, it is
time to re-evaluate who you are, what you believe in, and the
principles you stand for. It is hard to be at ease with yourself if
you fail to live your life in truth or stand for a set of principles.
Define what those are and stand like a rock, refusing to let anyone
persuade you otherwise.
3-Self love
To hold ones self in hi merit or regard, concerning their personality,
principles, and actions.
Once you have adopted a new set of principles and beliefs, you can now
begin to uncover who you really are. Get to know yourself! Discover
your true authentic self, and realize that you have the power to
change and create anything you want in life. We are all the same and
we are all connected, so the playing field is a level plane!
Note:
(Meditation can be helpful in this process.)
4-Transformation
A complete change - usually into something with an improved state,
appearance, or usefulness.
Change is incredibly hard and very frightening for most people, isn't
it! The fact of the matter is, most people avoid and even resist
change. But, you can't avoid it, and you certainly can't stop it. At
the end of the day, life is a journey of change. And the sooner you
realize that the better off you'll be.
Let's use the following parable
to describe the process of change; your standing on the dysfunctional
side of the road and on the other side is change. You can stay on the
dysfunctional side of the road and say "even though this side is
pretty screwed up, it's a little more comfortable than the other side
because I don't know what's over there!" Or you can venture into the
middle of the road, confused about whether to go back or to cross.
And, I don't think I need to tell what happens when you stand in the
middle of the road to long, do I ! Or, you can close your eyes and walk
across in faith, knowing that whatever is on the other side has to be
better than where you were ! But, this is scary for people isn't it? In
reality, it just comes down to fear ! You really do have nothing to
fear but fear itself !
By : David Roppo
For more information on how to save your relationship see this guide
