Boosting Self Esteem

If you want to
know how to
overcome your relationship
crisis with 4 stages
of self esteem read this article .

Millions of people
in the U.S. seek
help from counselors
and
therapists each year.
However, did you
know that only 50%
of the
people who
enter therapy avoid
divorce, and less than
20% report any
improvement at all .


Why is this strategy unsuccessful?
Counseling is
usually based on improving communication and problem solving skills,
and in most cases this does absolutely nothing to address the root
cause (low Self-Esteem) of a relationship crisis. At this point, you
may be asking what a low level of self-esteem has to do with your
failing relationship. Well, the answer is everything! You see, the
root causes of a relationship crisis are the fears and insecurities
caused by family dysfunction. These patterns of control, abuse, and
part-time parenting rob a person of their personal power and undermine
self-esteem.

For your benefit, I have outlined the four stages of self-esteem
below. Notice that liberation is the first. This is not by chance
since the remaining stages are difficult, if not impossible, to reach
if you do not obtain the first.

1-Liberation


To set somebody free from socially imposed constraints.
If you are in fact in the mists of a relationship crisis, begin by
examining the path that brought you to your present state. What types
of family dysfunctions played a role in undermining your self-esteem?
Were your parents verbally, physically, or sexually abusive? Were they
controlling and manipulative? Did they fail to provide the love,
guidance, and bonding by showing up part-time for a full-time job? Or,
did they abuse alcohol or drugs? These are the questions that must be
answered. Once you have uncovered these negative patterns, you must
liberate yourself from them by putting a stop to the dysfunctional
behavior.
This must be done by either setting some boundaries, or in
extreme cases severing the relationship.

2-Self reflection

A complete and individual personality, especially one that somebody
recognizes as his or her own and with which there is a sense of ease.
Once you have liberated yourself from patterns of dysfunction, it is
time to re-evaluate who you are, what you believe in, and the
principles you stand for. It is hard to be at ease with yourself if
you fail to live your life in truth or stand for a set of principles.
Define what those are and stand like a rock, refusing to let anyone
persuade you otherwise.

3-Self love
To hold ones self in hi merit or regard, concerning their personality,
principles, and actions.

Once you have adopted a new set of principles and beliefs, you can now
begin to uncover who you really are. Get to know yourself! Discover
your true authentic self, and realize that you have the power to
change and create anything you want in life. We are all the same and
we are all connected, so the playing field is a level plane!
Note:
(Meditation can be helpful in this process.)

4-Transformation

A complete change - usually into something with an improved state,
appearance, or usefulness.
Change is incredibly hard and very frightening for most people, isn't
it! The fact of the matter is, most people avoid and even resist
change. But, you can't avoid it, and you certainly can't stop it. At
the end of the day, life is a journey of change. And the sooner you
realize that the better off you'll be.
Let's use the following parable
to describe the process of change; your standing on the dysfunctional
side of the road and on the other side is change. You can stay on the
dysfunctional side of the road and say "even though this side is
pretty screwed up, it's a little more comfortable than the other side
because I don't know what's over there!" Or you can venture into the
middle of the road, confused about whether to go back or to cross.
And, I don't think I need to tell what happens when you stand in the
middle of the road to long, do I ! Or, you can close your eyes and walk
across in faith, knowing that whatever is on the other side has to be
better than where you were ! But, this is scary for people isn't it? In
reality, it just comes down to fear ! You really do have nothing to
fear but fear itself !


By : David Roppo

For more information on how to save your relationship see this guide

Optimism wins over pessimism every time. No matter what the
situation is, or what the problem is, optimism - a positive
attitude will be victorious.

Take the following case study :

Jon is a 39 year old doctor. He struggled very hard to become a
doctor, overcoming what seemed to be impossible odds. He was an
abused child, and he was also dyslexic. School was never easy for
Jon, and his home life was horrendous. But Jon got lucky. There was
a teacher in high school that took a real interest in Jon.
This teacher helped Jon get out of the abusive home, and continued
to spend as much time as possible with the young man. It didn't
take long for the teacher to discover that Jon was dyslexic. He got
Jon into a program through the school that helped him cope with the
dyslexia, and the program taught Jon a new way of learning.
Jon's grades improved dramatically, and he won some scholarships to
help pay for college, but it wasn't quite enough. He knew, without
a doubt, that he wanted to be a doctor so he got a part time job to help pay
for college, and by the time medical school rolled around, he was
eligible for multiple scholarships, grants, and student loans, all
of which paid for the rest of his education.



Bill is also a doctor. He led a fairly privileged life.His mother died when he was young, and his
father worked long hours. Bill coped with his mother's death fairly
well, but he often acted out to get his father's attention. Of
course, negative attitudes often attract negative attention, and
Bill's father was a busy man. He punished Bill for his bad
behavior, but didn't realize that Bill was acting out to get his
attention.
In spite of the fact that Bill often acted out, good grades came
very easily for him. But, Bill was often sarcastic and disrespectful to
teachers and students alike. He didn't have many friends, and any
teacher that tried to help Bill was quickly put in their place.
Not much changed during college.
Bill didn't need scholarships -
his father worked all those years to pay for Bill's college, and
Bill didn't need to work at any time while getting his education.
Bill's constant negativity and sarcasm prevented him from making
any friends, and the only thing his professor's remember him for is
his lack of interest in class participation, his sarcasm, and his
apparent ego problem that made it seem like Bill thought he was
somehow above it all.


Now, Bill and Jon are in the last year of their residency at the
same hospital. In this particular hospital, doctors are rotated
from floor to floor. On one floor there is a lady who has been
diagnosed with cancer, and is undergoing chemotherapy. She is an
inpatient due to various other health problems that she has that
prevent her from going home while she is undergoing chemotherapy.
On the day that Bill first saw her, he was sarcastic to the lady,
and made her feel like he didn't have time to be bothered with her.
But the first time that Jon saw her, he had her laughing, and
looking forward to his next visit. In fact, before he left for the
day, Jon stopped back in to see the dear lady - simply because he
enjoyed talking to her.
This went on for two weeks. One day she would see Jon, the next
day, she would see Bill. On the days that she saw Bill, she seemed
to be sicker from the chemotherapy. She seemed down, and she was
argumentative with the nursing staff. On the days that she saw Jon,
she didn't seem quite so ill from the treatments, she smiled and
laughed, and the nursing staff found her to be quite pleasant. All
of this was noted in her patient chart.
The supervising doctor noticed that one day the lady was up, and
the next day she was down by reading that chart - and he wondered
why. That particular day, Jon was on rounds on that lady's floor,
so the doctor accompanied him to observe. He observed Jon with all
of his patients, and didn't see any problems. He noted that the
days the lady in question saw Jon were the good days, and after
seeing how Jon talked to her and raised her spirits, he understood
why.
The next day, he accompanied Bill on his rounds, and observed him
with all of the patients. He didn't like what he saw, and when they
came to the lady's room, he fully understood why the lady had bad
days when she saw Bill. He went and looked at the charts of other
patients on that floor, and the other floors that both Bill and Jon
worked on, and noted that many other patients were showing the same
patterns of ups and downs, and there was a direct relation to which
resident doctor they were seeing on the up and down days.
It didn't take long for this supervisor to have Bill removed from
the residency program. Jon went on to finish the program, and had
job offers from all over the country - he had his pick of jobs, but
chose to work in a hospital that served underprivileged people,
even though the pay was barely enough to scrape by on.

Jon lived
out the rest of his days happily caring for people that were
grateful he was there. He achieved his lifelong dream of helping
people, the way that he had been helped. He also had a successful
marriage, and two children that adored him, and grew up to be
successful doctors, with successful relationships as well.

It took a while, but Bill eventually got into a different residency
program at a different hospital, but was quickly removed from that
program as well. He finally got into a program and finished it, but
the job offers weren't that great. He did eventually land a job
that paid well, but when his contract expired at that hospital, the
board decided not to renew it. He had problems finding another job
at another hospital, so he took out loans to open a private
practice.
The practice didn't do so well, and eventually, Bill had to file
bankruptcy and close the practice. He eventually got a job at a
very busy hospital that served a poor community. The pay was very
low, and there were several complaints about Bill's bedside manner,
but the hospital kept him on because attracting doctors to work for
the pay they could afford was extremely difficult.
Bill had three failed marriages, and at the end of his life, he was
fairly poor, alone, and the three kids from his three marriages
wouldn't have anything to do with him. When they were notified of
his death, they all agreed to have him cremated. They decided
against any kind of funeral service. None of them were interested
in keeping the ashes - and none of them shed a tear.
Optimism won. It always does.


See This Resource,to find more information on positive thinking .

The swish technique is one of NLP techniques used to boost self esteem .

How to do the swish technique

NLP technique the basic swish :

(1) Identify Context
Pick a situations that includes undesirable feelings inside of you .
Where or when would you like to behave differently than you do now ?
(Examples : an interview , asking someone out , driving onto a free way , etc.)


(2) Identify Cue Image
What do you see in the above situation just before you start doing the behaviours you don't like .
Imagine actually being in the situation , seeing through your own eyes to help get the cue image .
It can be useful to physically do what you do just before the unwanted behaviour .
(Note : the cue image can be internal image inside your mind or an external , real-world image)


(3) Creatd Outcome Picture
See yourself over there as you would look if you had already accomplished the desired change .
How would you stand ?what would your facial expression look like ?
If you had made this change how would you see yourself differently ? Etc .


(4) Swish
Start by seeing the cue image , big and bright .
Next put a small dark image of the outcome picture in the lower right corner .
The small dark image will grow big and bright and cover the cue image , which will get dim and shrink away .
It can be useful to say 'swissssshhhh' at the same time !
(Note : it is very important to do the actual swish very fast for it to be efective , less than one second )


(5) Blank out screen or open your eyes


(6) Repeat from step 4 again five times


(7) Test

Now try and picture the cue image again .
If the swish has been effective it will be hard to do as the outcome picture will appear automatically !


Quick Tip :
Beacuse you are doing something with your brain you don't usually do consciously .
It can be useful to first of all practice shrinking the cue image .
And then pratice enlarging the outcome picture .


More about NLP and self esteem >>



This article is written by Colin G Smith who is a Licensed Master Practitioner of NLP

NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming ) is an approach to psychotherapy and organizational change based on a model of interpersonal communication chiefly concerned with the relationship between successful patterns of behaviour and the subjective experience (esp.Pattern of thought) underlying them and a system of alternative therapy based on this which seeks to educate people in self awarenesst & effective communication and to change their patterns of mental & emotional behaviour .


How can NLP help low self esteem ?

Before NLP , psychologists and other professionals used to study people with problems and try to work out solutions for them .
The developers of NLP thought , ' wouldn't it be better to study people that have had a problem and gotten over it ?'
They did just that and thus created some of the most amazing personal change tools in existence today !

When they discovered a new way a person solved a previous problem they called this thought process , behaviour a PATTERN .
One of NLP patterns is the swish pattern that uses an area of NLP known as sub-modalities .
You don't need to know all about sub-modalities to use this procedure though .

We actually do 'swishes' inside our minds already below our threshold of awareness .
A swish is a brain process that switches us from one state of consciousness to another .
Your brain can swish you to a negative state or a positive state of mind .


How to use the swish to boost your self esteem ?

By directionalizing your brain in a positive direction .
The swish is incredibly versatile with many uses :

1-Get rid of unwanted habits such as : smoking , nail biting , facial tics , etc .
2-Change unwanted behaviours such as : getting angry at people , negative feelings triggered by certain situations ,etc .
3-Change unresourceful feelings into self empowering feelings .


You can learn more about NLP and self esteem HERE

It is always best to set up a personal goal where you can accomplish
the most in record time, maybe like mowing the lawn in an hour before
the big game on TV.
A correct and positive thinking attitude in whatever you do
will make things easier, and even enjoyable.


Here are some tips to make it through the week even if you're just
sitting in your favorite couch.
An idea takes time to form in your
head and is always at work while you are busy sitting.

Having a bit of positive thinking can help you realize things that are
never thought possible.



1. Take passionate action towards living your life by design
Talk is cheap.
Action = deposits in the bank of a passionately authentic
future. Without it, passion is void.

This is a perfect example where dreams are made of where you start by
tinkering with your mind, then with your hands. And if the idea
weakens, you can always go back to it later until you finish it.


2. Commit to yourself as well as those you love to create powerfully a
life you can love Instead of reacting, commit to creating from your
heart and soul, out of love rather than fear. A dream will still be a dream without motion. Be
amazed as the transformation begins.


3. Recognize and embrace the thought that each moment is perfect
regardless of its outcome
Every time you hit on something that may
appear too extreme, why not give it a shot and see if it will work.
You will be surprised to see of there are other ways to get the task
done in time.
If you are not pleased with the outcome, decide to use
that moment to learn from and make the appropriate shift.


4. Dwell completely in a place of gratitude
Learn to utilize what you
have in your hands and make use of it in the most constructive way.
Slipping into neediness will become less of a habit when you
repeatedly shift towards gratitude, away from poverty consciousness.


5. Use a Passion Formula of Recognize/Reevaluate/Restore in place of
the Shoulda/Woulda/Coulda whirlwind
The former is based in increased
knowledge and abundance while the latter focuses on scarcity and lack.
As you face people or tasks that may seem harder than scaling the
summit of the Himalayas, allow yourself to realize that the task is
just as important as giving out orders to your subordinates. You would
rather be richly passionate!


6. Keep humor at the forefront of thought, laughing at and with
yourself when possible
You may find yourself quite entertaining when
you loosen up! I am yet to see a comedian ever go hungry even though
his jokes are as old as great-grandma.
Life has so much to offer to
allow you to mope around in self pity. Humor is very attractive, very
passionate: life-giving.


7. Believe that you are the architect of your destiny.
No one can take
your passionate future from you except for you! Create your life
authentically. As long as there's still breath in your body, there is
no end to how much you can accomplish in a lifetime.
The concept of
positive thinking is all about enjoying your work, which would lead to
celebrate a discovery that is born within your hands.
Watch everything
flow into place with perfect, passionate precision.

It's interesting how people get wallowed up by something trivial as
learning to use a computer, when nowadays that top computer companies
are manufacturing software that even the kids can do it.

It doesn't mean to be condescending, but that's the idea of not having any positive
thinking in your life-you'll just end up as a dim bulb in a dark
corner.
So instead of subjecting yourself to what you will be doomed
for, make your path by taking the first step with a positive thinking attitude.

There are many ways to lose your
sense of self-esteem despite of how
trivial it could get.
But whatever happens,
we should all try
not to lose our own sense of self-
esteem .

So what does it take to have more
self esteem ?
Here are some of the things you can
think and improve on that should be
enough for a week.


1. Know your purpose
Are you wandering through life with little direction - hoping that
you'll find happiness, health and prosperity? Identify your life
purpose or mission statement and you will have your own unique compass
that will lead you to your truth north every time.

This may seem tricky at first when you see yourself to be in a tight
or even dead end. But there is always that little loophole to turn
things around and you can make a big difference to yourself.

2. Know your values
What do you value most? Make a list of your top 5 values. Some
examples are security, freedom, family, spiritual development,
learning. As you set your goals for 2011- check your goals against
your values. If the goal doesn't align with any of your top five
values - you may want to reconsider it or revise it.

The number shouldn't discourage you, instead it should motivate you to
do more than you can ever dreamed of.

3. Know your needs
Unmet needs can keep you from living authentically. Take care of
yourself. Do you have a need to be acknowledged, to be right, to be in
control, to be loved? There are so many people who lived their lives
without realizing their dreams and most of them end up being stressed
or even depressed for that matter. List your top four needs and get
them met before it is too late !

4. Know your passions
You know who you are and what you truly enjoy in life. Obstacles like
doubt and lack of enthusiasm will only hinder you, but will not derail
your chance to become the person you ought to be. Express yourself and
honor the people who has inspired you to become the very person you
wanted to be.

5. Live from the inside out
Increase your awareness of your inner wisdom by regularly reflecting
in silence. Commune with nature. Breathe deeply to quiet your
distracted mind. For most of us city slickers it's hard to even find
the peace and quiet we want even in our own home. In my case I often
just sit in a dimly lit room and play some classical music. There is
sound, yes, but music does soothe the savage beast.

6. Honor your strengths
What are your positive traits? What special talents do you have? List
three - if you get stuck, ask those closest to you to help identify
these. Are you imaginative, witty, good with your hands? Find ways to
express your authentic self through your strengths. You can increase
your self-confidence when you can share what you know to others.

7. Serve others
When you live authentically, you may find that you develop an
interconnected sense of being. When you are true to who you are,
living your purpose and giving of your talents to the world around
you, you give back in service what you came to share with others -your
spirit - your essence. The rewards for sharing your gift with those
close to you is indeed rewarding, much more if it were to be the eyes
of a stranger who can appreciate what you have done to them.

It was our 7 ways to have more self esteem .
You should know that Self-improvement is indeed one type of work that is worth it. It
shouldn't always be within the confines of an office building, or
maybe in the four corners of your own room. The difference lies within
ourselves and how much we want to change for the
better.


If you want to know more information to have more self esteem ,Click Here