Boosting Self Esteem

If you want to
know how to
overcome your relationship
crisis with 4 stages
of self esteem read this article .

Millions of people
in the U.S. seek
help from counselors
and
therapists each year.
However, did you
know that only 50%
of the
people who
enter therapy avoid
divorce, and less than
20% report any
improvement at all .


Why is this strategy unsuccessful?
Counseling is
usually based on improving communication and problem solving skills,
and in most cases this does absolutely nothing to address the root
cause (low Self-Esteem) of a relationship crisis. At this point, you
may be asking what a low level of self-esteem has to do with your
failing relationship. Well, the answer is everything! You see, the
root causes of a relationship crisis are the fears and insecurities
caused by family dysfunction. These patterns of control, abuse, and
part-time parenting rob a person of their personal power and undermine
self-esteem.

For your benefit, I have outlined the four stages of self-esteem
below. Notice that liberation is the first. This is not by chance
since the remaining stages are difficult, if not impossible, to reach
if you do not obtain the first.

1-Liberation


To set somebody free from socially imposed constraints.
If you are in fact in the mists of a relationship crisis, begin by
examining the path that brought you to your present state. What types
of family dysfunctions played a role in undermining your self-esteem?
Were your parents verbally, physically, or sexually abusive? Were they
controlling and manipulative? Did they fail to provide the love,
guidance, and bonding by showing up part-time for a full-time job? Or,
did they abuse alcohol or drugs? These are the questions that must be
answered. Once you have uncovered these negative patterns, you must
liberate yourself from them by putting a stop to the dysfunctional
behavior.
This must be done by either setting some boundaries, or in
extreme cases severing the relationship.

2-Self reflection

A complete and individual personality, especially one that somebody
recognizes as his or her own and with which there is a sense of ease.
Once you have liberated yourself from patterns of dysfunction, it is
time to re-evaluate who you are, what you believe in, and the
principles you stand for. It is hard to be at ease with yourself if
you fail to live your life in truth or stand for a set of principles.
Define what those are and stand like a rock, refusing to let anyone
persuade you otherwise.

3-Self love
To hold ones self in hi merit or regard, concerning their personality,
principles, and actions.

Once you have adopted a new set of principles and beliefs, you can now
begin to uncover who you really are. Get to know yourself! Discover
your true authentic self, and realize that you have the power to
change and create anything you want in life. We are all the same and
we are all connected, so the playing field is a level plane!
Note:
(Meditation can be helpful in this process.)

4-Transformation

A complete change - usually into something with an improved state,
appearance, or usefulness.
Change is incredibly hard and very frightening for most people, isn't
it! The fact of the matter is, most people avoid and even resist
change. But, you can't avoid it, and you certainly can't stop it. At
the end of the day, life is a journey of change. And the sooner you
realize that the better off you'll be.
Let's use the following parable
to describe the process of change; your standing on the dysfunctional
side of the road and on the other side is change. You can stay on the
dysfunctional side of the road and say "even though this side is
pretty screwed up, it's a little more comfortable than the other side
because I don't know what's over there!" Or you can venture into the
middle of the road, confused about whether to go back or to cross.
And, I don't think I need to tell what happens when you stand in the
middle of the road to long, do I ! Or, you can close your eyes and walk
across in faith, knowing that whatever is on the other side has to be
better than where you were ! But, this is scary for people isn't it? In
reality, it just comes down to fear ! You really do have nothing to
fear but fear itself !


By : David Roppo

For more information on how to save your relationship see this guide

Optimism wins over pessimism every time. No matter what the
situation is, or what the problem is, optimism - a positive
attitude will be victorious.

Take the following case study :

Jon is a 39 year old doctor. He struggled very hard to become a
doctor, overcoming what seemed to be impossible odds. He was an
abused child, and he was also dyslexic. School was never easy for
Jon, and his home life was horrendous. But Jon got lucky. There was
a teacher in high school that took a real interest in Jon.
This teacher helped Jon get out of the abusive home, and continued
to spend as much time as possible with the young man. It didn't
take long for the teacher to discover that Jon was dyslexic. He got
Jon into a program through the school that helped him cope with the
dyslexia, and the program taught Jon a new way of learning.
Jon's grades improved dramatically, and he won some scholarships to
help pay for college, but it wasn't quite enough. He knew, without
a doubt, that he wanted to be a doctor so he got a part time job to help pay
for college, and by the time medical school rolled around, he was
eligible for multiple scholarships, grants, and student loans, all
of which paid for the rest of his education.



Bill is also a doctor. He led a fairly privileged life.His mother died when he was young, and his
father worked long hours. Bill coped with his mother's death fairly
well, but he often acted out to get his father's attention. Of
course, negative attitudes often attract negative attention, and
Bill's father was a busy man. He punished Bill for his bad
behavior, but didn't realize that Bill was acting out to get his
attention.
In spite of the fact that Bill often acted out, good grades came
very easily for him. But, Bill was often sarcastic and disrespectful to
teachers and students alike. He didn't have many friends, and any
teacher that tried to help Bill was quickly put in their place.
Not much changed during college.
Bill didn't need scholarships -
his father worked all those years to pay for Bill's college, and
Bill didn't need to work at any time while getting his education.
Bill's constant negativity and sarcasm prevented him from making
any friends, and the only thing his professor's remember him for is
his lack of interest in class participation, his sarcasm, and his
apparent ego problem that made it seem like Bill thought he was
somehow above it all.


Now, Bill and Jon are in the last year of their residency at the
same hospital. In this particular hospital, doctors are rotated
from floor to floor. On one floor there is a lady who has been
diagnosed with cancer, and is undergoing chemotherapy. She is an
inpatient due to various other health problems that she has that
prevent her from going home while she is undergoing chemotherapy.
On the day that Bill first saw her, he was sarcastic to the lady,
and made her feel like he didn't have time to be bothered with her.
But the first time that Jon saw her, he had her laughing, and
looking forward to his next visit. In fact, before he left for the
day, Jon stopped back in to see the dear lady - simply because he
enjoyed talking to her.
This went on for two weeks. One day she would see Jon, the next
day, she would see Bill. On the days that she saw Bill, she seemed
to be sicker from the chemotherapy. She seemed down, and she was
argumentative with the nursing staff. On the days that she saw Jon,
she didn't seem quite so ill from the treatments, she smiled and
laughed, and the nursing staff found her to be quite pleasant. All
of this was noted in her patient chart.
The supervising doctor noticed that one day the lady was up, and
the next day she was down by reading that chart - and he wondered
why. That particular day, Jon was on rounds on that lady's floor,
so the doctor accompanied him to observe. He observed Jon with all
of his patients, and didn't see any problems. He noted that the
days the lady in question saw Jon were the good days, and after
seeing how Jon talked to her and raised her spirits, he understood
why.
The next day, he accompanied Bill on his rounds, and observed him
with all of the patients. He didn't like what he saw, and when they
came to the lady's room, he fully understood why the lady had bad
days when she saw Bill. He went and looked at the charts of other
patients on that floor, and the other floors that both Bill and Jon
worked on, and noted that many other patients were showing the same
patterns of ups and downs, and there was a direct relation to which
resident doctor they were seeing on the up and down days.
It didn't take long for this supervisor to have Bill removed from
the residency program. Jon went on to finish the program, and had
job offers from all over the country - he had his pick of jobs, but
chose to work in a hospital that served underprivileged people,
even though the pay was barely enough to scrape by on.

Jon lived
out the rest of his days happily caring for people that were
grateful he was there. He achieved his lifelong dream of helping
people, the way that he had been helped. He also had a successful
marriage, and two children that adored him, and grew up to be
successful doctors, with successful relationships as well.

It took a while, but Bill eventually got into a different residency
program at a different hospital, but was quickly removed from that
program as well. He finally got into a program and finished it, but
the job offers weren't that great. He did eventually land a job
that paid well, but when his contract expired at that hospital, the
board decided not to renew it. He had problems finding another job
at another hospital, so he took out loans to open a private
practice.
The practice didn't do so well, and eventually, Bill had to file
bankruptcy and close the practice. He eventually got a job at a
very busy hospital that served a poor community. The pay was very
low, and there were several complaints about Bill's bedside manner,
but the hospital kept him on because attracting doctors to work for
the pay they could afford was extremely difficult.
Bill had three failed marriages, and at the end of his life, he was
fairly poor, alone, and the three kids from his three marriages
wouldn't have anything to do with him. When they were notified of
his death, they all agreed to have him cremated. They decided
against any kind of funeral service. None of them were interested
in keeping the ashes - and none of them shed a tear.
Optimism won. It always does.


See This Resource,to find more information on positive thinking .

There is an excellent and simple
technique
that helps to
reduce stress by
balancing the
brain hemispheres.

It is A 90 Second Trick For Dealing With Anxiety And Stress



You should know that
feelings of anxiety and stress are caused by the mind
contemplating fearful outcomes. Of course much of this
cognition is outside of our awareness; Sub-Conscious.

One of the ways of dealing with anxiety and stress is to
switch brain hemispheres. According to Neuroanatomist, Jill
Bolte Taylor, whenever we are in states of fear, most of our
brain activity is occuring in the left hemisphere.

So if you do something that gets your right brain
functioning, it means you are going to reduce the anxiety
and stress.

This can be surprisingly simple once you know how...
Recently I heard an excellent interview with Genie Z.
Laborde who has been involved with Neuro-Linguistic
Programming over three decades and wrote the best selling
NLP book, Influencing With Integrity.

I discovered the following technique from listening to Genie
and it really is simple! She has tested it with hundreds of
clients and it has taught them how to deal with stress and
how to deal with anxiety.

There is no fear in the Right Brain. The Left Brain is
designed to keep you safe so is full of fear. Being in the
NOW is the key to using the Right Brain.

Below is the simple method for dealing with anxiety and
dealing with stress that will bring you back into your right
brain .

Your Big Toe Joe!

1. You find yourself feeling stressed, anxious, worried,
fearful or panicky.

2. Begin to notice the feeling in your left big toe. Just
notice how it feels.

3. Now notice the feeling of your foot.

4. Gradually move up your body noticing the sensations in
the different parts of your body.

5. Within 90 seconds your fearful feelings will have
subsided !

I have been experimenting with it for a few weeks and I'm
pleased to say it really does work. It brings your attention
back into the present moment and switches on your right
brain circuits. The Power of Now in action!

The only thing is you've got to remember to do it! So I
suggest you write a reminder on a card and carry that in
your pocket.


By : Colin Smith
a Licensed Master Practitioner of NLP

The swish technique is one of NLP techniques used to boost self esteem .

How to do the swish technique

NLP technique the basic swish :

(1) Identify Context
Pick a situations that includes undesirable feelings inside of you .
Where or when would you like to behave differently than you do now ?
(Examples : an interview , asking someone out , driving onto a free way , etc.)


(2) Identify Cue Image
What do you see in the above situation just before you start doing the behaviours you don't like .
Imagine actually being in the situation , seeing through your own eyes to help get the cue image .
It can be useful to physically do what you do just before the unwanted behaviour .
(Note : the cue image can be internal image inside your mind or an external , real-world image)


(3) Creatd Outcome Picture
See yourself over there as you would look if you had already accomplished the desired change .
How would you stand ?what would your facial expression look like ?
If you had made this change how would you see yourself differently ? Etc .


(4) Swish
Start by seeing the cue image , big and bright .
Next put a small dark image of the outcome picture in the lower right corner .
The small dark image will grow big and bright and cover the cue image , which will get dim and shrink away .
It can be useful to say 'swissssshhhh' at the same time !
(Note : it is very important to do the actual swish very fast for it to be efective , less than one second )


(5) Blank out screen or open your eyes


(6) Repeat from step 4 again five times


(7) Test

Now try and picture the cue image again .
If the swish has been effective it will be hard to do as the outcome picture will appear automatically !


Quick Tip :
Beacuse you are doing something with your brain you don't usually do consciously .
It can be useful to first of all practice shrinking the cue image .
And then pratice enlarging the outcome picture .


More about NLP and self esteem >>



This article is written by Colin G Smith who is a Licensed Master Practitioner of NLP